Greetings…

I realize quite a few columns are, and have been about my dogs.
They are, and have been such a big part of our lives that they
get quite a bit of “column coverage” because they provide me
with material just like every other family member, only usually,
they are much more amusing and entertaining!

Many people say they are “only animals” and really don’t understand
as much as we think, or would like to think they do. I believe those
that say that do not, or have never had pets!

The so-called “experts” claim that a dog, for instance, can’t really
understand the words you are saying when you are talking to them,
and hear, “blah, blah, blah” when you speak. Oh really? Then why do
I have to spell C-O-O-K-I-E, C-H-E-E-S-E, and a multitude of other
words when I don’t want them to know what I’m saying????

The “experts” also tell you that we shouldn’t treat them like humans
when they are, in fact, animals. My answer to that would be, when
these too goofballs stop acting like humans, (granted, CRAZY humans),
then I’ll treat them like dogs. I haven’t seen temper tantrums like
the ones Moosie throws since my kids were young and helping me develop
gray hair…

Her recent ones, although hysterically funny, make me truly believe
the experts are full of doggy doo…

Last night, on route to bed, she and Ginger decided to turn the
bedroom into a Great Dane playground. If you have never seen the
action, it goes something like this…

Full speed running down the hall, leap through the air like a flying
Wallenda (younguns ask someone old), onto the bed, do three circles
long enough to remove the comforter, sheets and pillows off the bed.
Fly OFF the bed and race into the bathroom, do three more circles and
head back to the bed with enough force to move a very heavy mattress
a few inches or more.You, of course, are standing against the wall
out of the line of fire and can feel your hair move from the breeze
the two of them cause as they fly past you. This goes on for what seems
like an hour, but in reality, is only minutes, with the ending the
same every time…

They jump back on the bed and pretend to pass out. You can’t physically
move either one because they have gone into “dead statue dog”. You’ll
see each one open one eye to catch a glimpse of where you are and then
the eye shuts faster than roller blind…

Same thing EVERY night, and the next reaction is too…

Flyboy or I say, “OK, time to get down”. They lift their heads,
give it one more shot at playing dead, then reluctantly get down.
Ginger goes to her bed and circles while growling and Moosie?
She goes outside and HOWLS for as long as the tantrum lasts or
until we yell at her for making so much noise! I swear, she is
looking for child protective services to rat us out!

She comes back in, goes to her bed and huffs and puffs until she
thinks we’re not paying attention, then sneaks over, places one
hoof quietly on the bed, then the other, then the face comes up
and quietly is placed on the edge of the bed. Here’s where she
is brilliant…

She sees us laugh, jumps up on the bed, gives each one of us loads
of sloppy kisses and plops down on any available 2×2 spot. By this
time you’re tired from making a bed, watching a free for all show
and just move over for what ends up being the “Moose sprawl”…

Five minutes later, another set of paws and a pathetic face show
up on the other side of the bed…

So, to the “experts” who say animals can’t think, reason, OR
manipulate, I just gotta say…

Woof, woof, grrrrrrr and howllllllllllllllllllllll….

And before I go, thank you to everyone who sent me the picture of
“George” the new record holder of biggest dawg. I have enough copies
to make “George wallpaper” Hahahahahaha. That is ONE big dawg. Finally,
my “girls” seem petite…