Greetings…

As we mature, (that sounds SO much better than, “get old”),
things from our past, our childhood in particular, are blazed
into our brain cells. No, this isn’t one of those depressing
columns made to bring up bad memories. On the contrary, today’s
column will hopefully take you back and put a smile on your
face, or giggle in agreement…

Like millions and millions of people, I am a Baby Boomer. For
those who aren’t familiar, those are the children who are born
from roughly 1946 through 1964. That’s the official time frame,
although some may argue a year or two at either end. We became
the Baby Boomers after World War 2 was over and are parents
were obviously happy little campers, because births during this
time frame exploded. OK, that’s a little background on Boomers…

Because we cover so many years, we are “generations within a
generation”. My sister and I are both considered Boomers, but
there is eight years difference and some of our teen “culture”
was different because of it…

Like many of my older readers, we have witnessed so many things
in our lifetime. Watching some of the “old TV” shows, which I
love, always brings a smile on my face, and some are still just
as funny as they were when we first watched them. Amazing,
considering they didn’t have to throw the “F bomb” every other
sentence or show a set of surgically enhanced boobs. Never mind,
that’s a whole other topic for another day. Where was I?

Oh yeah, now I remember. The majority of us spent quite a bit
of time around family, our mothers in particular, because even
though there were working moms, they were far and few between.
(Just thought of another topic for a future column). Because
we spent so much “quality” time with our moms, we listened to
words and phrases ad nauseum that we swore we would never say
when we got older, let alone to our own children. Yeah, right…

How many times has something come out of your mouth that actually
made you do a dead stop and say, OH MY GOD, my mother’s voice just
came out of my mouth, and then wonder if you should call a Priest
and schedule an exorcism?

I often wonder if there is some secret original handbook for
women that is somewhere with the Dead Sea Scrolls, because I
think the same phrases have been used since Adam and Eve were
in the Garden of Eden…

Adam…I really don’t want to eat that apple, why should I?
Eve …”Because I said so”…

None of our moms ever were just sick or just tired, they were
always sick AND tired of our crap…

And the ever famous gem, “As long as you’re living in MY house
you will follow the rules”?

Probably came from “Mrs. Noah”, when her kid came home late and
wanted to sleep in instead of working on the Ark…

“Someday you’ll thank me for that”…
Lizzie Borden’s mom, guess that didn’t work out too well for her…

Don’t cross your eyes or they will stay that way?
Marty Feldman’s mom, I bet…

“If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you”?
That one backfired on moms all over when bungee jumping became
popular…

“Mind you manners MISSY”!
Amy Winehouse’s mom…Hey, I never said we all LISTENED to our moms…

“This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you”.
Melendez brother’s mom…Go ahead, groan, couldn’t help myself…

“Go in your room and think about it”…
Sign of the times, given the entertaining rooms kids have today,
it’s no longer a punishment. A better one might be, “Sit yourself
down and spend some time with Aunt Gertrude…

“What am I going to do with you”?
I still wonder, what WAS the correct answer to that question that
didn’t get you in bigger trouble?

“When they’re little they step on your toes, when they’re bigger,
they step on your heart”…My very own grandmother…
She obviously never met a Great Dane, otherwise she would have
said, “when they’re bigger, they break bones in your toes…

“I hope you have TEN kids, just like you!” Only a mom can take
the blessing of birth and turn it into a fearful curse, AND
scare the life out of you as you have each one of your own kids!

I have dozens of things that have come out of my mouth,
and still do from my mom, as I’m sure you all do. It almost
seems that I quote my mom or grandmother more than Shakespear.
Take a few minutes to think about a few of your “favorite” mom
quotes…

Of course, our dear old dads had some of their own “gems”, but
they weren’t as amusing, or as printable…Hahahaha

Ralph Kramden was ahead of his time, he wanted to send Alice to
the moon before Nasa ever got the idea!

I think I’ll call my kid and start counting to five…just for
the heck of it…